


I had all and then most, some and now none of you

by hllfire



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Medieval, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Blood and Injury, Character Death, Charles Xavier Needs a Hug, Erik Lehnsherr is not a Happy Bunny, Growing Up Together, Kings & Queens, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 05:15:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30134544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hllfire/pseuds/hllfire
Summary: Erik was born on a Autumn night. Charles was born on a Summer afternoon. They grow up together, but tradition will keep them from growing old together.
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier
Comments: 9
Kudos: 31





	I had all and then most, some and now none of you

**Author's Note:**

> Well I'm fucking depressed!
> 
> Hope you guys like this, sorry for the pain. The title is from Lord Huron's "The Night We Met".

Erik was born on a Autumn night.

There was rain pouring calmly outside the house as he cried his lungs out upon arriving into the world. His mother smiled at the healthy baby in her arms that slowly calmed his crying until he went into a peaceful silence — her smile died down after.

Her first son, the Lehnsherr heir, the next to compete for Genosha's throne with his life like her brother had done years ago. 

Her hand brushed against the newborn's cheek, a quiet prayer in her mind that her son would grow up strong enough to win, to become King and keep his life — which her brother hadn't. She had faith that the little baby in her arms, only a few minutes old, would grow up and live, would bring the Lehnsherrs to the throne again. She couldn't handle losing him like that.

Charles was born on a Summer afternoon. 

The hot sun entered through the window of the castle quarters as the newborn let out his first whimpers, but never fully cried, calming down once he was put against his mother's chest.

"It's the heartbeat," the doctor had said as he looked Charles over. "He's hearing your heartbeat and feeling safe like he did in the womb."

Sharon Xavier looked at the baby on her chest, Brian standing by her side with eyes that shone with pride towards his firstborn, but Sharon didn't see the same thing as her husband. Charles was a small baby, smaller than he should be, and it would maybe translate to his adulthood. That wasn't good, it wasn't an advantage. Charles was the Xaviers' heir, just like Brian had been years ago, but if Charles was too small or too weak, he would lose the battle he was supposed to fight later in his life.

Sharon grimaced at her son, seeing him sleeping calmly against her, thinking of ways to aid Charles when he grew up to ensure the throne would stay with their family.

They were six when they first met.

Charles was playing outside, running around the green fields around the castle with his arms wide open, pretending he could fly as the wind hit his skin, the nearby lake as the backdrop. The sun was high in the sky, his pale skin turning pink from the exertion and the heat of the sunlight, when he noticed another child there, staring at him.

Charles stopped, staring back at the stranger and frowning. He hadn't seen that boy before, but the idea of a new friend made Charles' lips curve into a smile almost instantly.

With that in mind, he ran towards the boy.

The boy took a few steps back when Charles got too close, but didn't run away completely, and Charles just smiled wider at him. The boy seemed to try not to smile back.

"Hello," Charles was out of breath as he spoke, although that didn't change how his voice sounded excited. "Do you want to play?"

The boy took a moment to answer, looking Charles up and down before he nodded very shortly. "What are we playing?"

"I don't know," Charles shrugged, seeing the boy frown a bit. "Tag? What's your name?"

"Erik," the boy answered. "What's yours?"

"Charles."

Before Charles could notice, Erik moved forward and touched Charles' arm. "You're it."

They stared at each other for a second, blue eyes against blue-green ones, and then there were smiles on both their faces right before they screamed and started running, Charles behind Erik as he tried to catch him.

At night, when Charles was already home for dinner, he told his mother and father about the nice boy he had met, his feet dangling from his chair as he moved them back and forth happily thanks to the new friend he had made. In front of him, on the other side of the table, Raven — only two years old — played with her food as one of the servants tried to feed her.

"And what's the boy's name, Charlie?" Brian Xavier asked, more interested in Charles' words than Sharon seemed to be.

"He said it was Erik. He's really nice and he showed me how to catch frogs at the lake!"

Sharon's cutlery fell noisily against her plate as she let them go, a surprised and bordering terrified expression on her face. Brian didn't seem much better, and now Raven was the only one in the room that seemed happy after Charles' words. Charles, in his innocence, shrunk against his seat.

"I washed my hands before eating," he said quietly, looking at both his parents with worry, thinking they were mad about the frogs. "And I promise I won't bring the frogs here! Unless you allowed me to… I like the frogs…"

Instead of talking to Charles himself, Sharon turned to her husband, an urgent look in her eyes. "He can't see the boy again."

"Sharon-"

"You were friends with Erich and almost lost your fight," Sharon's words were cutting, making Charles shrink more on his seat. He didn't know what was happening, but he felt like he did something wrong. "Charles can't have that same weakness- God knows he already has enough of them."

Brian looked from his wife to his child, noticing the look of fear in Charles' eyes, and sighed, shaking his head.

"I  _ was _ friends with Erich," Brian said in a collected voice, his words sounding final — an order in them. "But we both knew what we needed to do. When his father died and the throne was once again up for grabbing, we didn't hesitate, we knew our duty. When I go and the throne is without a King, Charles will know what to do." His eyes moved towards Charles again for a moment, and there was doubt there for a split second before it went away. He had faith in his son. "He can keep meeting the Lehnsherr heir if he wants to."

Sharon had left the table silently that night, a quiet anger burning behind her eyes that made Charles pout the whole way to his room, feeling his chest tight as he knew he did something to upset her, even if he didn't know what.

They were fourteen when they learned about what the future held for them.

They were at the Lehnsherrs' house, a big mansion that resembled the castle a lot for all Charles told Erik, playing around with the swords from the collection Erik's father had.

"He's a blacksmith," Erik had explained once when Charles asked about the weapons. "He makes a lot of cool things!"

"You're getting better," Erik said when they stopped to breathe, lowering his sword and smiling at his friend, who smiled back proudly. "You're already better than me with the sword." 

"Mother hired a new instructor," Charles shrugged, rotating the sword in his hand with expertise. Erik tried to do the same, his sword falling to the ground with a loud clunking sound. "Azazel is very rigid but he's a good teacher."

"I can see that. I guess I'll just have to train harder."

Erik saw how Charles got distracted for a second, grinning devilishly and lounging himself forward to drop Charles to the ground. Charles yelped, sword falling just like Erik's had as he got pinned down, laughing a little bit. They did that sometimes, tried to overpower the other — Charles always was more atent, always managed to get away from Erik's attacks before he could do anything, but not this time.

"You're it," Erik said, getting up and starting to run away, hearing Charles complaining for a moment before there were quick steps following him through the corridors.

They ran through Erik's house, smiles on their faces as they did so, at some point passing Edie Lehnsherr and making her chuckle in amusement at the two children.

As they ran, they couldn't see how sad her smile truly was.

They ended up stopping at the library of the house, both of them holding each other and chanting  _ "You're it!" _ quickly, waiting to see who would let go first, when Charles hit his body against one of the tables there, dropping a few books. 

Charles let go of Erik when he noticed the mess he caused, gasping quietly as Erik fell backwards now that Charles wasn't supporting his weight anymore.

"It's alright, we can fix it later," Erik said, his voice turning softer as he got up from the ground. He knew Charles had a bad reaction whenever he made a mess, as if he would be screamed at for it — he also knew Charles' mother, Queen Sharon, had something to do with that, but he knew Charles wouldn't talk about it if he pressed, so he didn't. "It's just some books. Ruth drops things all the time here."

They ended up cleaning up before they could go back to play, putting the books back up the table in a neat pile. As they were almost done, Erik saw Charles hesitate on a book, frowning down at it as his blue eyes shone with what Erik knew by now was curiosity. 

"I know this book," he said, raising it slightly to show Erik. "We have one at the library, but Father never allowed me to read it."

Erik moved to look at the book title, brow furrowing as he saw the words  _ 'History of Genosha' _ in gold letters against the deep green cover. He had seen that book before, but had never paid much attention to it. He only remembered his mother reading it once, eyes focused on a page before she looked up at Erik with a smile and beckoned him closer.

"It's your uncle's name here," she had said, voice quiet and filled with gloom, pointing at a name.  _ Erich. _ "We named you after him. One day your name will be here too…"

Erik had never understood what she had meant, and he forgot about it after a while. Now, as he looked at the book cover, Erik wondered once again about his mother's words. 

"We should read it." Erik offered, Charles' eyes dating up at him immediately with that fear of breaking the rules that he always had. 

Erik thought Charles would try to convince him it wasn't a good idea, surprising himself when Charles took a seat at the table they had piled the fallen books on and opened the book quickly. Erik sat by his side, accompanying the words as they both read in complete silence.

It was, as the title said, the history of their kingdom, which at first wasn't at all interesting, but Erik didn't say anything — Charles seemed to be enjoying the reading, and Erik would be the last person to interrupt him. It was only when Erik paid attention to a certain part that his interest peaked, leaning forward on his seat as he read the words more intently.

_ After the first war for the throne caused by the rise of two royal families — both with legitimate rights to the Genoshan throne⁶⁷ — the Lyal Treaty, coined by Lyal Xavier, first Xavier King of Genosha after the war⁶⁸, was signed by the Lehnsherr and the Xavier families⁶⁹.  _

_ The Treaty says that the firstborn prince or princess of each family shall engage in a fight to the death once the King or Queen dies, where the surviving royal takes the throne⁷⁰, giving a fair chance to each family to exert their power over the land of Genosha... _

Erik's hands felt cold for a moment as Charles changed the page. On top of the next page, there was a title saying  _ "List of Royals of Genosha — Deceased and Victorious". _ The list went on for a few pages, the printed word changing to handwritten names, different handwritings as the names went by. At the last names, Erik felt his breathing stop for a moment.

_ Erich Eisenhardt Lehnsherr, Prince of the Lehnsherr family.  _ **_Deceased in Battle._ **

_ Brian Xavier, Prince of the Xavier family.  _ **_134th King of Genosha._ **

_ Erik Magnus Lehnsherr, Prince of the Lehnsherr family.  _

_ Charles Francis Xavier, Prince of the Xavier family. _

"Erik…"

Charles' voice sounded quiet by Erik's side, so much so that Erik almost didn't hear him at first. His eyes turned to his friend — his best friend by all means — and he knew that he carried the same fear that he could see in Charles' eyes. 

They were eighteen when they talked again.

After they learned about their future, Charles pulled away, refusing to see Erik again, clearly torn by the news of what they'd have to do when Brian Xavier passed away. But, when Erik's birthday came during Autumn — when Charles received yet another invite to meet him — Charles gave in.

They met at the lake next to the castle, and Charles had stopped in his tracks when he saw Erik there.

He had grown up in the four years they didn't talk, just like Charles had; he was taller than Charles now, not by much but still taller, and he  _ looked _ older. His body was still lean and tall, but somehow more strong than it was when they were children, less lanky, and Charles felt a blush rise on his cheeks, remembering an old feeling he had fought to push back in the four years they've been away from each other.

Erik, in return, looked at Charles with the same surprise in his eyes, almost like he didn't believe Charles was there.

"You came," Erik said, and his voice had changed as well, Charles noticed. 

"I did." A smile, albeit small, appeared on Erik's lips, reflecting on his eyes. "Happy birthday."

Erik huffed out a chuckle. "Thank you…"

They stared at each other, quietly taking in each other's figures just like they had done when they were six, as if they were strangers again. There was a small pain in Charles' chest with the knowledge he had been the reason they felt like that.

Erik stepped forward, hand rising to touch Charles' shoulder for a moment before an awkward smile appeared on his lips. "You're it."

Charles looked at Erik, then looked again, until he couldn't hold back a smile from appearing on his lips, lounging himself forward to take Erik into an embrace, forgetting for a moment who they were and what they would have to do. It was his friend there, the boy he grew up with, and Charles felt his chest hurting with how much he missed Erik. 

It had hurt to let Erik go, it had been painful, and that one hug showed Charles just how useless it had been — he couldn't live without Erik anymore.

Erik hugged him back, his arms tight around Charles, as both of them smiled like everything was right.

They were nineteen when they first kissed.

It was a Summer night, a day before Charles' nineteenth birthday, and they were sitting together on the field they used to play together as kids, talking loudly and sharing the food they had stolen from their kitchens.

Erik watched as Charles talked about the stars, which he apparently had been studying lately, and he couldn't stop staring as much as he wanted to. Charles' eyes seemed to shine even in the partial darkness, the blue in them almost too blue — almost as if they weren't real, as if that color wasn't something that was supposed to exist, and yet there it was, in Charles' eyes —, his lips red thanks to the wine he had been sipping on.

Erik realized with a start just how beautiful Charles was, as if that information had just clicked; as if it had been in the back of his mind for a while, but he never gave it too much attention.

Driven by that realization and the wine clouding his better judgement, he leaned forward and took Charles' lips with his in an awkward kiss. 

Charles gasped for a moment, Erik pulling back as he realized what he had just done, getting ready to apologize and run away when Charles leaned forward this time. Charles' lips tasted of wine and cheese and the salty bread they had been sharing; Erik felt like he could live on that taste alone, like all he needed to live was Charles.

"This complicates things…" Charles said as they parted the kiss, their foreheads touching as if they needed the contact. Erik's hand moved to touch Charles' cheek, cupping it and letting his thumb rub against the soft and flushed skin. Charles seemed to lean into the touch.

"Things were already complicated, don't you think?"

"They were," Charles conceded with a short nod of his head, forehead never leaving Erik's. "But now…"

"I know," Erik placed another kiss to Charles' lips, feeling his chest hurting. "I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Charles' voice sounded like a plea for a moment, almost desperate, as his eyes slowly filled with tears. "Please, don't be sorry..."

Erik nodded, seeing Charles nod back. They didn't move for a while, eyes on each other's as their fingers intertwined between them. When Charles' tears started to fall, Erik's followed suit.

They were twenty one when they realized there was no way out of the destiny set for them.

They were at the Lehnsherr house, in Erik's room, snow falling quietly outside as Charles looked at the snowflakes landing on the ground, covering the earth with a white blanket. Behind him, Erik walked from side to side, distressed, huffing out in frustration every once in a while.

"He'll get better," Erik said after what felt like an eternity, Charles' eyes closing as he refused to turn to look at his friend — his  _ lover. _ It hurt to do it now more than ever. "He just needs to rest and the illness will go away."

"Erik-"

"Your father  _ won't _ die now."

"They gave him months, Erik," Charles' voice was somber as he said the words, hearing Erik's pacing stop. "Maybe a year, but not more than that."

The silence seemed heavy between them as they both battled with what the passing of Brian Xavier meant for them.  _ A year to have you, _ Charles thought, feeling like he could die at any moment from the pain that thought caused him.

A son should dread his father's death for fear of losing his  _ father.  _ Charles dreaded Brian's passing for fear of losing Erik.

"We could run away," Charles said in a weak voice, not sure of his own words. An empty suggestion. Behind himself, Charles heard a trembling sigh. "We could leave Genosha."

"But then the burden will fall onto Ruth and Raven." There was pain in Erik's voice, defeat. Charles kept his eyes shut. "I can't do that, I can't let Ruth fight for me, and I know you don't want Raven to do it either."

"I don't want to fight you," Charles' voice was a whisper, his hands shaking slightly as he felt the tears coming, escaping through his closed eyes despite his best efforts. "I don't want to  _ lose _ you."

Erik's arms were around him in a second, hugging him from behind, and Charles could feel Erik's chest spasming for a moment against his back, his breathing shaky — Charles wasn't the only one crying.

The hug turned into a kiss, tears falling and making Charles taste the salt on his lips, arms grabbing Erik by his clothes to keep him close, as if he could disappear at any moment, as if he would lose Erik right then and there.

The kiss turned into more quickly, both of them getting to the bed and shedding clothes as they went, desperate to touch, to feel, to remember each part of each other. The tears stopped, giving space for gasps and whimpers as they explored each other like there would be no tomorrow.

And then the tears came back. They held each other on Erik's bed, naked and not caring about the cold or the mess on their bodies, keeping their bodies as close as possible, as much skin touching as possible. Charles didn't want to let go, neither did Erik.

Charles saw as Erik drifted off to sleep, tired and with tear streaks on his face. His eyes watched Erik for a while, taking in every feature of his face as if he already didn't know it by heart. Somewhere else, sometime else, they would've been fine, they would've been together — but not there, not now. There, only one of them would live, and the other would be killed by them.

He closed his eyes again, a decision taking shape in his mind. 

They were twenty two when the day they had dreaded for years came.

Their families stood around them, all eyes expectant, both sides rooting for their heir to be the winner while Erik and Charles stared at each other. There was a blank expression on Charles' face that Erik knew was reflected on his own, an emptiness in his chest as if his heart had been ripped out of him, leaving nothing there. 

There were words said by someone, announcing the start of the battle for the throne of Genosha, a few words being directed at the memory of the last King, Brian Xavier. Erik wasn't listening, all he could hear was his own breathing, all he could see was the man he loved standing in front of him with the sword that would probably take his life.

Charles had always been better than him with the sword, ever since they were kids playing pretend with them. Erik knew Sharon Xavier didn't trust Charles to win their fight, he knew Charles was trained for the sole purpose of giving him an advantage like Erik hadn't been, and everything pointed to Charles' victory there.

_ There are worse ways to go, _ Erik thought.  _ At least I'll have him here with me in the end. _

The person talking announced the start of the battle, giving Charles and Erik the sign that they should attack, but neither of them moved for a while. They stared at each other like they had done when they were six, like they had done when they were eighteen — two strangers to each other, ready to fight a fight they  _ weren't _ ready for.

This time, however, neither of them smiled.

Everyone around them seemed confused, and Erik saw with the corner of his eyes how Sharon Xavier had grimaced. He wanted to scowl at her, to point his sword at her at the knowledge that the grimace was directed at Charles because he wasn't attacking. 

Instead, knowing that the fight would have to happen either way, Erik did what he had always done, ever since they were six: Erik attacked first. The noise of the swords hitting each other felt too loud on his ears, too wrong now, a distorted version of the past when they fought together, when they laughed as they did it.

For a few minutes, the fight was balanced enough, neither Charles or Erik trying any moves that could hurt each other, but fighting either way, putting on a show for the people watching. Erik's body felt heavy each time his sword even came close to hitting Charles, and part of him wanted to scream for Charles to do it quickly, to end him once and for all like he knew Charles could. Instead, their movements were useless, a dance between the two of them where neither wanted to make a wrong move.

Then Erik attacked, anticipating the block of Charles' sword to his attack like he had done many times already, and there was the feeling of the sword hitting something and burying itself in it. In front of him, Charles' gasped, his eyes widening as his sword fell to the ground with a deafening sound that reverberated in Erik's ears. Erik didn't want to look away from Charles' eyes, every part of him told him to keep looking at those eyes.

When he did look away, he saw the blood, saw his sword buried halfway into Charles' body, and the world seemed to stop for a moment before it crumbled completely around him. Charles was supposed to block that, Charles  _ knew _ how to block that, there wasn't a possibility that Charles would miss it.

Erik looked into Charles' eyes again and saw resignation. He looked and saw an apology that made his breathing stop. Charles was supposed to block that, and yet he didn't. For the look in his eyes, on purpose.

"No…" Erik whispered, pulling the sword back and hearing a pained scream coming from Charles that seemed to shake his soul. "No, Charles-"

Charles fell to the ground, his breathing too loud and forceful, noisy, as he sucked in the air that didn't seem to want to stick to his lungs. Erik kneeled down immediately, pulling Charles close to him and cradling his head — there wasn't any sounds around Erik now that weren't Charles' hard breathing and a high pitched sound that made his head spin.

With the corner of his eyes, Erik saw Sharon Xavier leaving. 

"Sorry," Charles said, his voice strained now as his hand pressed against the wound. His eyes looked up at Erik — blue,  _ so very blue, _ and full of tears. "I'm sorry."

"Charles-" Erik clenched his jaw, feeling the emptiness from before leaving completely. It was almost too much now for him to handle. "Why did you do that? Why did you-"

"I couldn't do it," he mumbled, his brow furrowing as if he was confused, eyes moving as he stared up at Erik. "I'm sorry, but I couldn't. I wouldn't be able to live if it was you in my place."

"That's not fair-"

"I know," he nodded, giving Erik a pained smile. "I know, I was selfish. I'm sorry, my love."

"I can't lose you…"

"You have to."

There was an attempt of a shrug at those words, which turned into a wince of pain as Charles tried to move. His lip trembled for a second, brow furrowing again as more tears rolled down his face. Charles' hand moved up, stained with his own blood as it touched Erik's cheek, fingers brushing the skin before it lowered again.

"You're it." 

When the light finally left Charles' eyes, when the pool of blood was soaking Erik's pants as he kneeled with Charles' in his arms, Erik screamed. His throat hurt, his hands grabbing Charles' body so tightly it must hurt — Charles should be complaining, telling him to let go, but his lips didn't move; his eyes stared up at the sky without seeing it. 

As the person announced Erik as the new King of Genosha, he pulled Charles' body closer, feeling like Charles had taken his life with him. 

Erik was twenty two when he rose to the throne.

Edie watched her son accomplishing what her brother didn't, her prayers from the day Erik was born answered as the crown was placed over his head and as he sat on the throne.

But there was no victory.

He was alive and safe, he was the new King, the throne was back to the Lehnsherr family after Edie's father had passed, but it felt like Erik wasn't there. Her hand clenched against her chest, the memory of Charles coming back to her, his gentleness and the love he had in his eyes for Erik — the love Erik had in his eyes for Charles. Now, Erik's eyes seemed cold and distant.

They resembled Charles' from the day before, when he laid in Erik's arms with no life in his body anymore.

Edie had cried when his brother died, when she saw Brian Xavier rise to the power. Sharon Xavier wasn't there that day, but Edie knew she wasn't crying for the boy she lost.

So like Edie cried for her brother, she cried for Charles, quiet tears falling from her eyes as she realized she had lost her son with him.

Anya was born on a Summer night.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are more than appreciated and keeps an author's soul alive. Even a "❤️" or "+kudos" are valid and will make me happy. ❤️
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](http://hellfre.tumblr.com) and [twitter](http://twitter.com/hllfire)!


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